Disappointing Iowa Results

Well, my fellow Americans, I got fewer delegates in Iowa than John Huntsman but I am not discouraged, and I am NOT a quitter like Michelle Bachmann, who told everyone that she’s America’s Iron Lady because she read a biography of Margaret Thatcher and discovered that, “We have a lot in common.” Hah. What a joke. I didn’t just read a biography of Doc Holliday, I wrote a whole novel about him. That’s got to count for something!

So now it’s on to New Hampshire where I’ll be resorting to negative ads while complaining about the low and vulgar tone of modern political discourse.

I plan to steal a clip from Monty Python and the Holy Grail, where the Bridge of Death troll asks the knights three questions. I’ll photoshop my opponents’ faces onto the actor’s bodies, see, and when the third knight goes flying into the chasm, I’ll have a really deep-voiced announcer say:

SOME politicians flip-flop about their favorite color. Mary Doria Russell has always been partial to lavender and always will be, although admittedly she is playing around with teal blue these days, but only for accessories. She also thinks green can be quite attractive, not that she is pandering to environmentalists. Mary Doria Russell for president. We’ve done worse. And she’s written a book about Doc Holliday.

13 thoughts on “Disappointing Iowa Results

  1. Why am I not receiving all your posts? What a pity, because I enjoy all the ones I see. And they’re not going to my junk mail folder, because I check it. I hope my ISP doesn’t consider them spam. Suggestions?

  2. Esther, the original sign up software for the blog only allows for 350 subscribers. When more than that signed up, the software just randomly selects 50 subscribers to leave off the notification list. I don’t quite understand why it works that way, but the fix is to sign up again. The new subscription software can handle many more subscribers.

  3. I have a vision. Mary Doria Russell and Stephen Colbert discussing her campaign for president in NH. “Mary Doria Russell for president. We’ve done worse. And she’s written a book about Doc Holliday.”

    You go, Mary!

  4. The present state of this whole thing causes me to give your campaign some serious thought! 🙂 I’ve no doubt your speeches would rally and unify the nation! You’ve got my vote!

  5. Your respondents are proving the viability of your campaign, Mary! You’ve got it in the bag. Now, may I apply for the job of bagman? 🙂 🙂

  6. You’re coming to NH to stump, but I don’t see a book signing event scheduled here for the same time – wouldn’t it be more efficient to do both while you were here?

  7. I can hear the candidates from across the Conn. River here in VT. Mary, you’d have a better run here than Iowa. Residents of the LIVE FREE OR DIE state actually read.

    Look for Ron Paul to make a better showing. The RR is not as strong in NH.

    I hoping there will be a little more substance from the candidates in this neck of the woods. But, I’ll miss Rick Perry’s gaff.

    On a more important subject: Mary, I thoroughly enjoyed “DOC”. So many facets glowed throughout the story. It was my first e-book. It kept me sane the past 2 weeks. We spent it visiting my mother-in-law who has been placed in a senior living facility. Your quote on ministering to the ill came at a time I was starting to feel sorry for myself spending the holidays on this errand. (I know this admission has diluted my accrued graces.)

    SR

  8. Or as someone has said in the tacky-but-true vernacular, “Any time church and state get in bed together, somebody’s gonna get screwed!”

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