That will teach me not to check this website…

I’ve been in lock-down for the past three months: finishing the first complete draft of Unremembered Lives, doing the first five editing passes through the manuscript, sending it out for comments, re-editing, fixing errors, filling in, filling out, “linearizing” chapters that looped around in time and tense. Etc.

While that was going on, I didn’t check this website, and when I opened it up today, there was enough spam to denude the world of both pigs and rectangular aluminum cans.

You’d be amazed by how many young ladies (who assure me they are adults) would like to engage in remarkable feats of pornography for my benefit. Thousands. Really. Thousands. Veronica was very specific in exactly what she was prepared to let me do to her, and where, though I’m not sure how that could work online, even if I weren’t a 67-year-old lady.

On the other hand, Dominance Professor and Gag Princess would like to send me hardcore out-of-control shemale pictures or windy upskirt videos. Many people seem to think I could use help writing my college essays, which was humbling, I must say. (Beef Daddy offered his article on Greece Economic Crisis, which I’m sure would be very interesting and get an A.)  Cheap flights from Mumbai sounded like a pretty good deal, too. And should I desire Cialis or Viagra, amateur pharmacists in Russia would be happy to take my order, and the medications will certainly not be capsules filled with chalk or pills made of compressed dryer lint.

They all seem quite friendly, so I’m sure they won’t download malicious software or steal my credit card number, if I take them up on these fabulous offers.

Jeez, Louise. Took two hours to clean all this out. Does ANYONE ever really click on this stuff? Would anyone, who is cognitively intact enough to have a website, read spam from a Russian site and say, “Hell, yeah! I could use some counterfeit Jimmy Choos! Where do I click?”

Anyway, what I wanted to tell you today is that my agent and I had a lovely phone call from the producers who’ve renewed the option on Doc and Epitaph. This project sounds a whole lot more solid than any of the three attempts to do a screen adaptation of The Sparrow, which remains in development hell over at AMC. I’m not allowed to say much more but soon as I get the word from the producers, I’ll fill you in. For now: so far, so good.

25 thoughts on “That will teach me not to check this website…”

  1. My spam folder isn’t nearly as interesting as yours, dear Mary 🙂 🙂
    On the other hand, great news about the option renewal!

  2. Your adventures with the online charlatans sound fascinating. I must be in a different cyber world since I don’t get those juicy postings. No fun for me. But thanks for the updates on the forthcoming book and the various movie matters. Stay well.

    Ralph Melaragno

  3. Well, I am miffed to discover that Beef Daddy wants to share with you, I thought he was my unique resource on the subject of economics. And I’m very disappointed to learn that Veronica is cheating on me! How sleazy!

  4. When I first created my web site I got messages from all of the people who have left these messages for you. It took me a couple of weeks of research to figure out how to keep these posts from actually appearing on the website. I would try to help but I do not remember exactly how it was done – it is all software relative and fairly complicated. At any rate, I am looking forward to your next book – it is always on the top of my list. And if you have not read it yet, John Irving has just published Avenue of Mysteries and I am about half way through it and it is wonderful.

  5. I would LOVE to see The Sparrow come to AMC. Yes! Likewise, Doc and Epitaph will make a great series…so much better than many things that seem to make it on to either the big or small screen. In the meantime, I am taking my copy of The Sparrow with me to Europe next month for a re-read.

  6. I would LOVE LOVE LOVE a well-cast, loyal adaptation of The Sparrow. But if they can’t honor the book by closely following the story, they should leave it alone. Two thumbs up, way up, for that possibility.

    It’s one of my favorite, favorite books. And I read a lot.

  7. I would be over the moon to have both of those books come to the big screen! I loved them both and I hope it happens.

  8. You should try routing your email address through Google’s GMail. It’s spam filter catches almost all that stuff, at least for me.

  9. I have read Sparrow and Children of God several times since I discovered these remarkably moving novels-I still weep as I read certain parts-I still am as deeply (if not more intensely so) moved by the characters. As eagerly as I and most likely thousand of other followers want the movie to BECOME I realize it HAS to be done right-no Hollywood sell the movie crap-darn it-but we will still wait until it becomes and I shall continue to recommend these incredible volumes to everyone I discuss fiction with.

  10. Don’t trust those porn ladies…they are not faithful! They regularly land in my spam email…just spreadin’ their joy, offering salacious pics! Such generousity! LoL!

  11. At least that Nigerian scam hasn’t resurfaced for a while.

    All I get look like Ponzi schemes. Too bad we don’t have Bernie Madoff to kick around any more.

  12. Hazah!
    Side note. My boss PRINTED and left on the copier, by mistake ::wink wink::, the Nigerian Prince email, AND he forwarded the email to many many dept heads of many many state and federal agencies, proving how important he was.
    Oh. He also infected many computers with the whatever her name was virus at the same time.
    Love ya. Miss you and Don. ::sniff::

Leave a Comment