Want to lose a pound overnight? Just sit all day around, crying and not eating, because you’re sure you’re going to have to put your dog down. Worked for me, although the loss is undoubtedly water weight, given all the weeping.

Our dachshund Annie is twelve and a half. She’s accumulated a number of veterinary issues that can be managed but not fixed. Over the past few weeks, she had become increasingly lame. The vet suspected spinal disk problems because those are common in dachshunds. The x-rays didn’t show anything alarming but when Annie tried to walk yesterday, she just sort of collapsed on her chest and we began to think, This is it.

Then last night I carried her outside before bed and while she was in my arms, I noticed that she had a broken toenail on each of her front feet.

Which is when I stopped crying because this dog is such an effing drama queen, it seemed entirely possible that her toes felt funny so she was refusing to put any weight on them. Just took her over to the groomer for an emergency toenail procedure, and while she’s still limping a little, Annie is — literally — back on her feet again.